from the publishers of: Verywell, Real Simple, EatingWell, Shape, Parents, Health and Allrecipes
There are plenty of etiquette lessons that parents drill into their children from the start: Always say hello; send the thank-you note; and never, ever show up somewhere empty-handed, whether it’s a cocktail party or a casual tailgate. Given that a potluck’s success is dependent largely on its attendees contributing a dish or two, it’s an occasion that all but demands folks to abide by that age-old commandment. Or does it? We posed the question to our Facebook audience: Is it ever okay to show up to a potluck empty-handed? Here’s a small sampling of their responses, and some of them may surprise you.
Gretchen M., reader
“If I were hosting and someone was deciding between coming empty-handed or skipping altogether, I’d much prefer they come and not think another thing about it! There is always more food and drink than is ever necessary, and I’m really inviting them, not their dish.”
As expected, there were readers who were scandalized that we even asked, responding with definitive variations of no, among them “Nope,” “Never,” and “Not in the South!” Admittedly, my own knee-jerk reaction landed in this category. What would my Mama say if she knew I was attending potlucks without even a humble offering of cream cheese and pepper jelly? The argument here is that if too many people feel comfortable showing up empty-handed, the potluck won’t be much of a meal at all. Put more bluntly by one reader: Arriving with nothing is the “height of rudeness,” especially if you’re helping yourself to everyone else’s dishes.
That said, your contribution needn’t cost money or be complicated or over-the-top to be meaningful and appreciated. “Always bring something. Flowers from your garden or an offer to clean up,” wrote one reader. Others suggested store-bought cookies or chips, a bag of ice, or paper products.
Others of our readers said that circumstances may dictate whether or not it’s okay to show up without anything, funerals and other unexpected life events among them. “There might be times when you just got home from traveling, are buried in caretaking a loved one, or someone you are close to is in the hospital or something similar,” a reader replied. But if that’s the case, she recommends letting the host know ahead of time so they’re not counting on something from you.
And then there were the many readers who responded in the spirit of true Southern hospitality. “If someone showed up and was unable to contribute, I would not think bad of them,” wrote one woman. “I would feed them as much as they could eat and send them home with leftovers for days. We just never know when someone is down on their luck and needs a hand.”
Of course, there were also those who responded with mirthful yeses: “If you don’t know how to cook [it’s okay to show up empty-handed]. We thank you!”
While etiquette says you probably shouldn’t show up empty-handed to a potluck, rest easy knowing that a truly gracious host won’t make you feel guilty, ashamed, or unwelcome if you do.