from the publishers of: Verywell, Real Simple, EatingWell, Shape, Parents, Health and Allrecipes
Having confidence and an unwavering belief in yourself is a much harder feat than we get (or give ourselves) credit for. And whether or not you consider your self-esteem to be healthy, we all struggle with our confidence every now and then. “Self-esteem is a lifelong journey, and the goal is to cultivate more moments of healthy self-regard while responding constructively to challenges,” says Joy Parrish, LPC, senior therapy manager at Headspace. That doesn’t mean that you always have to feel good about yourself or your choices—it’s more about getting back up when things don’t go as planned and having faith in yourself to keep moving forward. But while that’s all well and good, you might be wondering just how you can maintain a healthy self-esteem on a day-to-day basis, especially when things get tough. We’ve got you covered.
To put things into perspective for you, we asked mental health experts for an idea of what healthy and unhealthy self-esteem look like. “Healthy self-esteem means having a realistic view of yourself, recognizing strengths and weaknesses, treating yourself with kindness, and handling setbacks with resilience. It includes confidence in your abilities and respecting your own boundaries,” Parrish says. “Unhealthy self-esteem can take two forms: low self-esteem, marked by self-doubt and harsh self-criticism, or inflated self-esteem, where abilities are overestimated and validation from others is constantly sought.” It’s not just poor self-perception that defines an unhealthy self-esteem—it can also be an egotistical personality.
It’s also possible to have neutral self-esteem, somewhere in between healthy and unhealthy. “Neutral self-esteem exists in between, accepting yourself without strong positive or negative feelings,” Parrish says. “Most people fluctuate along this spectrum depending on life circumstances.” But if you want to feel better about yourself than you have in the past, try one or all of these daily practices for less self-deprecation and more self-love.
“Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to someone you love,” suggests Edie Stark, LCSW, mental health clinician. “This shifts harsh inner voices into supportive ones. These can feel more accessible than just saying affirmations, which, when you are feeling low self-esteem, can make things feel worse.” Lean less into toxic positivity and more into a compassionate and understanding point of view.
Helping others can also help you like yourself more. “Acts of kindness reinforce a sense of purpose and value,” Parrish says. “Volunteering, mentoring, or even simple gestures like checking in on a friend can boost your sense of connection and competence. Helping others often reflects back to us the strengths we may overlook in ourselves.” Try reaching out to an old connection, holding the door open for the person behind you, or sending a handwritten note to a loved one.
Building competence and confidence in a new (or old) skill will reinforce your skills and ability to succeed. “Choose one skill or goal and break it into manageable steps,” Parrish suggests. “Each time you complete a task, whether it’s learning a new recipe, finishing a project at work, or improving fitness, you reinforce your capability and resilience. Over time, mastery builds confidence, which directly feeds self-esteem.”
It sounds cheesy, but having the right people in your corner can do wonders for your self-esteem. “Seek relationships that encourage and uplift rather than criticize,” Parrish says. “Having people who recognize your worth makes it easier to internalize that belief yourself.” That means it might be time to let go of some fair-weather friendships—but with a worthwhile payoff.
“Do something aligned with your values, not appearance or productivity,” Stark suggests. “It builds trust in yourself—volunteering at the animal shelter, painting for a creative outlet, spending time in nature.”